Grantaire's Release
by AHeartFullOfFeels
Summary: Enjolras' eyes blazed in fury. "Get out." His voice was a cold hiss, sending a wave of shivers over the room. Grantaire froze, staring at him. "Get out, now. Don't come back." - Rated T for cutting and character death


It was normal for Grantaire to come to meetings drunk, and to drink during them. It was normal for him to annoy the hell out of Enjolras with his cynicism and sarcasm. But Enjolras was getting tired of Grantaire interrupting his speeches to talk about pointless things, getting ready to snap because of Grantaire's loudness as he disagreed with all of Enjolras' points. Even more so that he was currently fighting for the gay and queer kids, to let them live without having to tolerate bullying. It was something important to him, since it was something he had once had to go through in middle school, when he had his first boyfriend. From the bullying he got, he had broken up with him and never gotten a new one, not telling people his sexuality.  
"No matter what you do, nothing is going to change. People don't care about other people all the time; it's just the way life works. No one ever said it was fair, but people don't like queers, and there's nothing you can do to stop it." Grantaire said to Enjolras, before taking a sip of brandy.  
Enjolras' eyes blazed in fury.  
"Get out."  
His voice was a cold hiss, sending a wave of shivers over the room. Grantaire froze, staring at him.  
"Get out, now. Don't come back."  
His voice grew from a hiss to a growl, and Grantaire felt his heart break at the sound. He stared at the ground for a moment, then nodded. He took the bottle of brandy with him as he walked out, unable to look anyone in the eyes, a blank heartbreaking sadness on his face. Everyone watched as he walked out, then turned to Enjolras. Combeferre was staring at his tense friend with worry. Courfeyrac was staring with a sad shock. Jehan was trying hard not to burst into tears, sadness for Grantaire and slight fear of Enjolras taking its toll. The room was deathly silent, broken only by Enjolras' sigh as he sat down next to Combeferre.  
No one said a word for the rest of the meeting.

* * *

Grantaire went straight to the bar after being kicked out. He drank as much of the strongest alcohol that he could get and hold without passing out. After about an hour, he went to his apartment and just continued drinking. He was intent on drinking himself away. But it wasn't enough. He had seriously blown it. Enjolras hated him, never wanted to see him again. He sobbed, knowing that he could never see his precious Apollo, the one who had inadvertently saved him, again. He felt completely sober as he quickly wrote a letter to Enjolras. He went to his bathroom and opened the cabinet. He put the letter on the counter and pulled out the razor he hadn't used all year. He stared at his wrists, at the scars that had just begun to start to fade away. He lifted the razor and slashed his wrist, watching the blood flow out through his blurry tears. He faintly heard knocking on the front door, but ignored it. There was no denying he was in there, given his loud, uncontrollable sobs. The knocking grew louder and faster, pounding through his brain as he sobbed, slashing his other wrist. He fell to the ground, hearing but not quite feeling his head hit the bathtub. He heard the sound of a door breaking open, then the dizzy swirls let go to black.

* * *

The Amis, not including Enjolras, were all really worried about Grantaire. They had all, to some extent, gotten to know more than Enjolras knew about him, and why this was a dangerous thing to happen to him. Bahorel had elected to check on him, and after the meeting was over, he was going to Grantaire's apartment. When he knocked on the door is when he noticed the sobs through the door. It was heartbreaking to hear, sobs wrenched from a broken heart, full of pain. After a few moments of Bahorel standing there with no change, he started knocking louder. After a minute, he was pounding on the door, shouting Grantaire's name. He froze, pressing his ear to the door. Completely silent. He felt a chill run through him, and he used his foot and started kicking the door down. After three hard kicks, the door swung open, and Bahorel ran to the bathroom to see Grantaire lying on the floor in a pool of blood, razor in one hand, bottle of vodka in his other. He immediately pulled out his phone and called 911, explaining the situation. After an ambulance departed, did what he could to stop the bleeding and quickly he sent a mass text to the Amis telling them what was happening. He saw the letter folded with Enjolras' name on it and read it, then folded it back up and put it in his pocket, promising the unconscious Grantaire that he would give it to Enjolras. After a few minutes of answering questions via mass text and being called continuously by the boys, the ambulance arrived and took care of Grantaire, rushing him to the hospital. Bahorel rode with the paramedics, and when they arrived at the hospital, half of the boys were already there waiting for them, the rest coming. As Grantaire was rushed into a room, Bahorel went over to them. Enjolras, Combeferre, Courfeyrac, Jehan, and Feuilly were all already there. Feuilly and Courfeyrac were both trying to comfort a sobbing Jehan, Combeferre was pacing in circles, and Enjolras was standing still with a look of guilt on his face. Bahorel went straight to Enjolras and handed him the letter. Enjolras was confused, but he took it and read it.

_Enjolras, I guess you never knew about me. You were probably hurt because I was saying that the way gays were addressed would never change. But I wasn't saying it to hurt you. It's just a fact that I have had to live with. Since I'll probably be dead when you read this, I'll just go ahead and tell you. I'm gay. I have been since the 7__th__ grade. And you are completely oblivious to me being in love with you. But I don't want you to feel like my death is your fault. Ever since I came out in 8__th__ grade, I was bullied too. But it was worse than yours was, Apollo. You were teased and made fun of. I was pushed into lockers, beat up until I couldn't feel anything, completely alone. It lasted all through high school, which is why I didn't tell anyone when I came here. But all of the Amis guessed, you alone didn't know. My dad was abusive and my mom didn't care about me, so I started cutting sophomore year, drinking in junior year. So this isn't your fault Apollo, and I hope that you can forgive me for being so useless, for being… well, so me.  
Grantaire_

Enjolras looked up at Bahorel with horror in his eyes.  
"He… I.. I didn't know…"  
Bahorel put a hand on Enjolras' shoulder as the latter sat down, clutching the letter as though it were his lifeline.  
"We all know you didn't know, trust me. We all just hoped it wouldn't end like this."  
Enjolras closed his eyes, putting his head in his hands. He stayed there as they were joined by the rest, giving a slight shake every so often, and Bahorel didn't leave his side, guessing he was crying. After about ten minutes, the golden haired boy suddenly lifted his head and shouted "DAMN IT!"  
The Amis stared at him. Except for Combeferre and Courfeyrac, none of them had ever seen him cry. His eyes were red and puffy, and tears just kept streaming down his face.  
"It's my fault, I didn't know, and he-"  
He was cut off by Bahorel quickly hugging him. Enjolras cried into Bahorel's chest, his whole body quaking with his sobs. Bahorel rubbed his back soothingly, staring at the Amis with sadness. A few minutes later and all of the Amis were a complete mess, crying and hugging one another as they waited for the doctor to tell them how Grantaire was. Eventually, the doctor came into the waiting room.  
"Is there an Enjolras in here?"  
Enjolras stood up quickly.  
"Mr. Grantaire is starting to wake up, and he's saying your name. If you'd like, you may go see him."  
Enjolras nodded, and the doctor showed him to Grantaire's room, then left to tell the rest of the Amis his report.

Grantaire was awake when he came in, staring at his bandaged wrists. Part of his head was bandaged, and there was an IV in his arm. He looked up as Enjolras walked in. He was in disbelief as he saw that he had been crying.  
"Grantaire… I-"  
"Don't say you're sorry. If you read the letter then…"  
"I did. And I don't care. I'm sorry. For everything I did. For kicking you out, for being so cold to you, for not knowing." Enjolras said, going to Grantaire and sitting next to him.  
Grantaire was silent, looking away from him.  
"Grantaire, the truth is…. I didn't hate you, I was disappointed because I know what you could be. There were moments when you really showed me you were an amazing person, and now I realize how strong you really are. And after all of this happened, I realized what I was trying to ignore all along… I love you, Grantaire."  
Grantaire was silent for another moment, then sighed. He chuckled humorlessly.  
"You have to make everything so much harder, don't you?"  
"What do you mean?" Enjolras said, a mixture of confusion and nervousness.  
"The doctors don't think I'll make it. No matter what they do, I lost too much blood, I drank too much, I've been poisoned. I'm dying Enjolras… I was fine with just leaving, but now… you made it a lot harder to go if you are telling the truth."

Enjolras felt his world spin even more out of control. He had realized during the silence after Grantaire left the Musian how much he really needed Grantaire. Now he was losing him again, except this time he couldn't fix it.  
He took Grantaire's hand, biting his lip.  
"You're lying. Please tell me you're lying…" he said softly, tears welling up into his eyes again.  
Grantaire softly shook his head, taking in Enjolras. It was one of the only times he ever stared into Enjolras' eyes, he didn't like that he was upset and crying. Especially if it was because of him.  
"I was told I might not last the night, and even if I do… it won't be long."  
"Then I'll stay. I won't leave your side." Enjolras promised.  
"I'll be happy to die with you then."

Enjolras stuck to his promise, not letting Grantaire's hand go as each of the Amis came in to talk to him. After the Amis had all left, Enjolras kissed him, savoring the moment even with the alcohol still on his breath and the dark situation. Eventually, Enjolras fell asleep, laying his head on his arms, which were on the bed. Grantaire stared at him, smiling as he let his breathing slow, breath by breath. The moonlight was shining into the room, onto Enjolras' face and turning his golden hair silver. It was a moment of pure beauty for Grantaire, and he savored it. And then he closed his eyes, saying Enjolras' name as his body stilled.

* * *

Enjolras blinked open his eyes, leaning up and stretching. He looked over at Grantaire, then felt terror creep in as he realized he wasn't moving. He became aware of the monitor giving only a single long beep. He felt his pulse, nothing. He ran out the door and shouted for the doctor. After a moment, the doctor ran in and looked over Grantaire as Enjolras stood hopefully by the door. He felt his hope come crashing down as the doctor looked at him and shook his head.

After that, he left, going home. The following week was full of sadness and numbness. The funeral was simple, no ceremony except each of the boys saying what they thought of him.  
Enjolras was heartbroken. He never loved anyone else, he often visited Grantaire's grave, and he dreamed of him nearly every night. But he kept on fighting, and his cause, even though Grantaire didn't believe in it, was his most pursued goal. Because now he was fighting for Grantaire, and he wouldn't give up, ever.


End file.
